The AG Transcript · No. 03 · JUN 15, 2026
The poodle file

This award named a poodle one of America’s top lawyers.

Exhibit A

A Seattle personal-injury firm decided to test an outfit called Lawyers of Distinction. They nominated Lucy, a teacup poodle, for its “top 10% of attorneys” list.

Lucy got in. Her application listed her degree as a “Juris Dogtor.” The firm says a pet chicken named Zippy was waved through too.

F
Lawyers of Distinction
Automatic F
Pay-to-hold designation. A poodle qualified.

Here’s the part that matters. “Lawyers of Distinction” isn’t really free: the designation runs on an annual membership fee (reported around $475). You don’t earn the title; you pay to hold it. That’s not an award. It’s a subscription with a plaque.

On our rubric that’s an Automatic F: the moment you have to pay to hold a designation, it’s not recognition, it’s merchandise.

And Lucy isn’t a fluke. The same pattern is everywhere once you look:

•A restaurant that didn’t exist won Wine Spectator’s Award of Excellence: its wine list was stocked with some of the lowest-rated wines the magazine had ever reviewed.
•A dead cat was certified as a nutritional consultant. For $60.
•A ProPublica reporter, who told them on the phone he has no medical degree, was named a “Top Doctor” for a $99 plaque.

None of these programs vet anyone. They vet payment. That’s the whole business.

This is why AwardGrade exists: so the next seal in your inbox is something you can look up, not just take on faith.

Join now →
Founding members get first access when grading opens.
← No. 02 · How we grade
No. 04 · The real ones→
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